Stress

They say that babies, in-utero, experience certain stressors. As babies grow older, the stress becomes more apparent to their parents and care-givers. I remember learning what stress signals were in our premature babies. If the babies made a stop sign with their hands, experienced hiccups or looked away when you looked at them, these were all signs that they were overstimulated and stressed. I thought that it was such a shame that babies at that age could experience stress. Shouldn't stress be something that adults have to handle? How is it fair to be born knowing what stress feels like? If this is true (and it appears to be so) then how can we ever get rid of stress in our lives?

I've been experiencing more stress than usual lately. Being sick, on top of my daily life, has left me feeling overwhelmed and anxious. My blood work came back normal but I still am getting headaches and feeling run-down. These symptoms could be nothing, or typical signs of stress. Massage and acupuncture were recommended to help deal with this, but how do I make time to do these things and not feel stressed about leaving the boys? They get stressed when I leave and I feel stressed when I don't leave to take a break. When will there ever be a balance?

I'm questioning how to deal with things that will cause anxiety in my life. I know that people have outlets that allow them to feel more balanced and renewed. Things that make me feel more balanced and renewed have now changed. It used to be that travel, lunch with friends, shopping, would make me feel renewed. Most of these things in my life have now shifted and I am forced to find outlets in other ways. I guess the problem is that I have not figured out these other ways yet. I guess I want my cake and to eat it, too.
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On another note, I want to write about our NICU reunion. The reunion was on Saturday, at the St. Francis Medical Center where the boys were hospitalized for six weeks. Saturday was a chance for us to reunite with the doctors and nurses who made our boys the healthy, beautiful creatures they are today. It was wonderful to see everyone again and give them the opportunity to see how much our boys have changed. Lots of hugs and well-wishes were given as we passed through the crowds of people on that hot day. The news station was there, and we later discovered that Cole and Joey made the evening news. I broke down and cried as I watched my babies on TV. It was overwhelming to watch how far they have come in such a short time. I felt so relieved that we are no longer going to the NICU every day and that are boys are doing so well. Every time I shook a hand or gave a hug to one of the care providers, my eyes would well-up as I thanked them. The experience is still so real to me and I have not gotten over the day my boys were born. I owe everything to these doctors and nurses, though. As Richard put it one day (and I have to say that this is probably the sweetest thing he's ever said):
"There are days that I'm not sure why we moved to CO Springs. I know that you don't like it here (meaning me), but I think that the reason we are here is because of the experience we had with Cole and Joey. Who knows what could have happened had we been somewhere else? Maybe the whole reason we moved here was to be in that exact place at that exact time".

Whatever the reason(s) are that we are here, we might never know. I just know that I am eternally grateful for the care my sons recieved. As I am always grateful for my babies, my family and my friends, I will now hold a special place for that hospital. I think about what *could* have happened all the time. What *did* happen is the entire reason why I'll never be ungrateful for what truly matters in this world.